Friday, June 1, 2012

The Slow Burn...


A lot of listings went up in metaphorical flames this week, friends. Check out these bloopers and you’ll know why some listings are DOA. Thanks to Jane Peters of Los Angeles for being my ever-vigilant third eye.

I Smell Smoke

"This pad is smokin" (And you obviously have been too, Stony.)
“Charring back patio” (Reason # 1 not to mix tequila and butane.)
“Open Sungay” – (Fancy snacks and they'll do your hair.)
“Lots oof stares” (Methinks they’re staring at the hole in your head.)
“Be careful – blond turn” (That explains the tire tracks and the mascara smears on the crossing guard...)
“Breezes and birds stinging” (Whimpered Magic Johnson when he lost his shorts to Larry Bird and the Celtics in the ’84 playoff games.)

I See Flames

“Sunset Blvd - orange house left” (No doubt it left after being cited for lack of taste.)
“Last month rant” (Another session in Congress must be coming to a close...)
“Spit rail fence” (Let me guess - latest tune by Mucous Mary and the Phlegmhackers?)
“House turd″ (I see you've met my ex.)

I Hear Fire Trucks

“Condo for leash” (You must be the thrill of the dog park...)
“English Tudor w/ high patched roof” (It’s your pitch that needs patching, and you must be high.)
“Newq lasting - red hot” (That explains the black hole in your cerebral cortex.)

Last Words…

Fabulouse wrap around views…formal dinning room…Master Suit… salin pool (I suggest you don your suit, make your way through the din, drown yourself in the salin pool and enjoy the fabulouse views as you go into the light….)

Epitaph

“No balls after 8 pm” (Hollywood’s version of “Not tonight, honey – I have a headache.”)

For more real estate humor, please visit Gwen at  Agent Genius. For all your real estate needs, please go to www.LAhomesite.com.

Monday, April 23, 2012

Un-real Estate - The Humor in Selling


The Blooper Scooper is back, folks, and this week’s picks demonstrate the beauty of the written turd. Uh, word. Thanks to Bruce Walter of West Lafayette for his hysterical contribution. Check out these absurdities if you want a few laughs:
Expect the Unexpected
“Please compact me” (Last words of Jimmy Hoffa)
“Good desin” (So the exorcism was a success?)
“Fax or bail docs” (If I bail out a doc, can I get a free colonoscopy?)
“House with colorful accent” (Must be an Italian villa…)
“Watch the sun set over the buffs” (Gold’s Gym must be up for sale.)
When Ordinary Just Won’t Do
“Showing Tim – 1:00 pm” (Does Tim have something to brag about?)
“Widow shudders” (Because you just walked into the room?)
“Coffin ceilings” (Perfect for an agent like you who is already DOA.)
“One car grudge” (Kia owner, I presume?)
“Ranch w/ 2 dunk houses” (When a coffee cup just won’t satisfy your donut…)
One Toke Over The Line
“Drop in sot” (Description under Uncle Paddy’s photo at Chuck-a-Jug.)
“Lick your own pants” (Recommended when you slosh your martini. )
“Designer saint” (Vera Wang before she left the convent…)
Typo of the Year:
“A wonderfuk house” – (Uh, I think that’s only legal in Nevada.)

That’s is for this week, folks. For more real estate humor, please visit Gwen at Agent Genius. For all your real estate needs, please go to www.LAhomesite.com.

Thursday, March 29, 2012

Trash Talkin' on the MLS

The Blooper Scooper is back, folks, and this week's picks demonstrate the beauty of the written turd. Uh, word. Check out these absurdities if you want a few laughs:

Expect the Unexpected

"Please compact me" (Last words of Jimmy Hoffa)
"Good desin" (So the exorcism was a success?)
"Fax or bail docs" (If I bail out a doc, can I get a free colonoscopy?)
"House with colorful accent" (Must be an Italian villa...)
"Watch the sun set over the buffs" (Gold's Gym must be up for sale.)

When Ordinary Just Won't Do

"Showing Tim - 1:00 pm" (Does Tim have something to brag about?)
"Widow shudders" (Because an idiot just walked into the room?)
"Coffin ceilings" (Perfect for an agent who is already DOA.)
"One car grudge" (Kia owner, I presume?)
"Ranch w/ 2 dunk houses" (When a coffee cup just won't satisfy your donut...)

One Toke Over The Line

"Drop in sot" (Description under Uncle Paddy's photo at Chuck-a-Jug.)
"Lick your own pants" (Recommended when you slosh your martini. )
"Designer saint" (Vera Wang before she left the convent...)

Typo of the Year:

"Wonderfuk house" (Uh, I think that's only legal in Nevada!)

That's it until next week, friends. In the meantime, be sure to visit https://www.gwen.banta.com for all your real estate needs.

Monday, August 22, 2011

The MLS Circus (Real Estate Humor)

There was a spelling circus on the MLS this week, friends. My friend from Active Rain, Kim McMahon, sent us a beauty from Chicago and colleague Marco Giancola from Ft. Lauderdale found a side-splitter. Enjoy the performance!
Under the Big Top
“Buy or tent” (Offered by Ringling Brothers Realty.)
"Foot served" (How does the other one taste?)
“Not hare Wedsday” (…But you’re a jackass today.)
“Near school an liberry” (…Then I suggest you check them out, you fruit cup.)
“Two car detected garage” (Half-brain detected on agent)
“A lot of guests parking” (This must be an L.A. rehab.)
Bring in the Clowns
“Buy now – beet rush” (Thank you for the vegetable update, potato head.)
“Central vacumme” (Perhaps you are describing your cranium?)
“This is a good by” (I suggest you say that to your career.)
“Don’t piss this one up” (That’s what I did in my pants when I read this.)
“You can’t top this house” (Have you tried calling a roofer?)
Now On The High Wire…
“Buy while interest is so low” (That’s doesn’t say much for your listing, pal.)
“Newly stagged” (Another divorce in Hollywood…)
“Nice valoo” (Is that served with chicken tandoori?)
“Tenant occupied, don’t get off in front yard” (Excuuuse me? Is this the home of
Jenna Jameson?)
The Big Finale
Thanks to Kim for this Egregious Gaffe:
“VINAGE 18 units… Newr boiler porches… north of ravenswood brown line tain & short walk to river park, tuckpoint bsmt…
(Hello? Hellooo??? You with the drool on your chin - COME BACK – DON’T GO INTO THE LIGHT!!!)

For real estate listings and information, please visit me at www.LAHomesite.com

Monday, August 15, 2011

Indiana Suffers Great Loss





Please pray for the victims of the Indy State Fair disaster, and their families. And God bless the people who jumped INTO the pile of metal to try to save others. We honor your courage and selfless response to those in need. You are heros.

Friday, August 5, 2011

One More Reason Why I LOVE Laurel Canyon

Laurel Canyon has a special event on one Sunday in October every year: Laurel Canyon Photo Day. All the residents of our peaceful, mellow, rock-n-roll canyon go to The Laurel Canyon Country Store for food, music and conversation. The day ends with a giant group photo during which traffic is actually halted on busy Laurel Canyon Blvd. Come join in the fun and be part of Laurel Canyon history. Date to be announced soon!



Check out the video of last year's event:






Tuesday, August 2, 2011

ARE YOU TAKING ADVANTAGE OF LOS ANGELES' EXCITING EVENTS?

It seems that a lot of newcomers have many questions about Los Angeles' world famous Hollywood Bowl. I can promise you from personal experience that the Bowl is an exciting venue for people of all ages. This summer, try to check out one of the many exciting shows on a calendar that reflects many genres. What's coming up Friday? Hairspray! The excitement is mounting folks, and it's not too late to get tickets.
Below is a description of the Hollywood Bowl from their website. It's as much a part of L.A. as the Walk of Fame - but more entertaining!
Cradled in the Hollywood Hills, this historic amphitheater opened in 1922 and has been the longtime summertime home of the L.A. Philharmonic and, since 1991, the resident Hollywood Bowl Orchestra. You know you've arrived when you've played the joint -- the Bowl has hosted performances by Duke Ellington, the Beatles, Billie Holiday, Jimi Hendrix, the Arcade Fire, Love, Igor Stravinsky, Aretha Franklin, Oasis, the Doors, Miles Davis, Bob Dylan, Fred Astaire, Pink Floyd, Louie Armstrong, the Rolling Stones, Vladimir Horowitz, Judy Garland, the Seeds, Frank Zappa, Barbra Streisand, Little Richard, the Carpenters, the Who, Johnny Cash and Ella Fitzgerald, among many others. The Bowl's iconic band shell has evolved over the decades, growing bigger and better during a 2004 makeover. Fans are encouraged to picnic in the Bowl and surrounding areas, and food is also available from Patina... Ticket prices range from $1 for bench seats in the back to hundreds of dollars for box seats up front. No smoking. All ages.2301 N. Highland Ave. L.A., CA 90068 Hollywood (323) 850-2000